where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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