"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
