I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
