He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
