You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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