Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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