That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize