if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
