you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
