The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
