Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
