I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
