I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
