Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
