I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
