..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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