Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found the puke drawer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
