I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
