ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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