btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
