did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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