corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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