If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
