It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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