She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
