just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
