Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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