are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
