Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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