I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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