Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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