I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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