Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
