oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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