Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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