she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i believe in u and ur pee
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
