I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
