she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
