I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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