Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
