He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I skipped work to stalk him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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