Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
