His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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