you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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