Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Success! We fucked roommates!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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