all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
