Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
