That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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