I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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