great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
