weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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