I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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