I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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