Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
