I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
