remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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