what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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