I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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