Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
