i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
