How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You took a bar mat shot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
