im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
