i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
