Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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