oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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