Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
