i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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