Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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