We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
