All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's paper in my vomit.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm always down for nudity.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
